Feminine and Masculine Energy: a Deep Dive

In this episode of the Spiritual Mamas podcast, hosts Aericka and Kim explore the themes of feminine and masculine energies, reflecting on their personal experiences and societal expectations. They discuss the impact of winter on their moods, the importance of balancing feminine and masculine energies, and the concept of wounded energies. The conversation delves into how these energies manifest in relationships and personal growth, emphasizing the need for understanding and harmony between the two. In this conversation, Kimaira Bernardini and Aericka Khongdy explore the themes of wounded masculinity, generational trauma, and the importance of mindfulness and therapy in achieving emotional balance. They discuss how societal norms shape behaviors and the impact of these traits on individuals. The conversation emphasizes the need for supportive communities, creativity, and connecting with nature as essential elements for healing and self-expression. Ultimately, they highlight the importance of finding balance between feminine and masculine energies in personal growth.

Take aways:

• Feminine energy is often misunderstood and associated with societal expectations.
• Balancing feminine and masculine energies is crucial for personal growth.
• Wounded energies can manifest from past traumas and societal pressures.
• Understanding the traits of feminine and masculine energies helps in personal development.
• Intuition and creativity are key aspects of feminine energy.
• Societal expectations often dictate how men and women express their energies.
• Emotional withdrawal and over-emotionality can stem from wounded feminine energy.
• Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining balance in relationships.
• Recognizing and addressing wounded energies can lead to better communication. Wounded masculinity manifests in aggression and emotional shutdown.
• Generational trauma influences behaviors and emotional responses.
• Mindfulness practices can help set boundaries and improve interactions.
• Therapy is a valuable tool for personal growth and healing.
• Building supportive communities fosters emotional well-being.
• Creativity can be expressed in various forms, not just traditional art.
• Connecting with nature enhances inner peace and mindfulness.
• Recognizing imbalances in energy is crucial for personal development.
• Vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength in healing.
• Balancing feminine and masculine energies is essential for holistic growth.

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Transcript

Aericka Khongdy (00:01)
Hello. Hello. I'm Aericka. And I'm Kim. And this is Spiritual Mamas podcast. Welcome, welcome. So what's new? What's happening? What's the news? You know, not a lot. This is kind of, I'm okay with the chill trend. Yeah. I...

Kimaira Bernardini (00:01)
Hello. Hello. I'm Aericka. And I'm Kim. And this is Spiritual Mamas podcast. Welcome, welcome. So what's new? What's happening? What's the news? You know, not a lot. This is kind of, I'm okay with the chill trend. Yeah. I...

feel it's just interesting with like all this work that we've been doing and like all the research we've been doing and like the last episode no two episodes ago was the winter solstice if you didn't listen to that one you really should because it's gonna change your opinion on the winter yeah and so that like really energized me and i'm kind of super excited so again

Aericka Khongdy (00:30)
feel. It's just interesting with like all this work that we've been doing and like all the research that we've been doing. And like the last episode, no, two episodes ago was the Winter Solstice. If you didn't listen to that one, you really should because it's going to change your opinion on the winter. And so that like really energized me and I'm kind of super excited. So again.

Kimaira Bernardini (01:00)
Listen to that one. was like two episodes ago, think. Yeah, by the time you're listening to this, if you're listening to them in order. Yeah. Yeah. But there's one about winter, winter solstice. Go listen. It'll change your opinion in the winter. We're currently in winter and usually not my favorite time of year because I don't like the cold. don't like the darkness. Yes, I agree. And I think I was having a conversation with somebody the other day about

Aericka Khongdy (01:00)
Listen to that one. It like two episodes ago. I think This comes out Yeah, yeah, but there's one about winter winter solstice go listen you'll change your opinion in winter because we're currently in winter and Usually not my favorite. Yeah time of year because I don't like the cold. I don't like like the darkness like I'm not a fan

Kimaira Bernardini (01:29)
winter and they were saying how much they love winter and it's like they love the snow and being cozy by the fire and i'm like that's postcard stuff that's not real life stuff yeah meanwhile it's like slushy yuckiness yeah yeah and i was like granted i live in a city and the person that i was talking to doesn't so when the snow falls for them it like stays perfectly intact and it's great and i'm like the second the snow falls here somebody's driven over it

Aericka Khongdy (01:29)
winter and they were saying how much they love winter. And it's like, they love the snow and being cozy by fire. And I'm like, that's postcard stuff. That's not real life stuff. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's like slushy yuckiness. Yeah. I was like, granted, I live in a city and the person I was talking to doesn't. when the snow falls for that, it like stays perfectly intact. And it's great. And I'm like, the second the snow falls here, somebody has driven over it.

Yeah, it's gross. It's black. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. But I think having a different perspective on winter in general because of the winter solstice, it can help to kind of quell some of those unpleasant feelings. Yeah. like going like usually by like mid January, February, I'm like over it. So going to keep it in my mind that, you know, come back to this and maybe re-listen and be like, okay,

Kimaira Bernardini (01:59)
It's gross. It's black. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. But I think having a different perspective on winter in general because of the winter solstice, it can help to kind of quell some of those unpleasant feelings. Yeah, and like going like usually by like January, February, I'm like over it. I'm going to keep it in my mind that, you know, come back to this and maybe re-listen and be like, okay,

Aericka Khongdy (02:29)
This is a good thing. We're going to have spring around the corner and you know, that sort of thing. that's what I'm looking forward to. What you're probably not looking forward to is we are talking about like feminine energy. way back in like the first or second episode, we talked about how both of us feel that we've been in the masculine, like using masculine energy.

Kimaira Bernardini (02:29)
This is a good thing. We're gonna spring around the corner and you know, that's our thing. So that's what I'm looking forward to. Yeah, me too. What you're probably not looking forward to is we're talking about like feminine energy. Yeah. And way back in like the first or second episode, we talked about how both of us feel that we've been in the masculine, like using masculine energy.

Most of our lives and the thought of like stepping into feminine energy really scared us or made us nervous or like made us uncomfortable. I'm wondering, I wonder like for you, why do you think that?

Aericka Khongdy (02:58)
Most of our lives and the thought of like stepping into feminine energy really scared us or made us nervous or like made us uncomfortable. Yeah. I'm wondering, I want to know like for you, why do you think that

is? You know, having time to think about this every time you're like, hey, we're going to talk about this. I think that, and I don't remember if I had said this before, I grew up

Kimaira Bernardini (03:15)
you know, having time to think about this every time you're like, hey, we're going to talk about this. I think that, and I don't remember if I had said this before, I grew up

in like a family of women. Women ran the homes, they provided, they did things like the men in my family, the ones who were present would financially provide, but that was the extent of what they did.

Aericka Khongdy (03:27)
in like a family of Women ran the homes, they provided, they did things like the men in my family, the ones who were present would financially provide, but that was the extent of what they did.

Kimaira Bernardini (03:44)
and everything else was handled by the woman. The raising of children, I am one of the oldest of, you know, the cousins and stuff. And so it was like my

Aericka Khongdy (03:45)
everything else was handled by the woman. The raising of children, I am one of the oldest of, you know, the cousins and stuff. And so it was like my...

Kimaira Bernardini (03:57)
responsibility to some extent to do the caretaking and babysitting and entertaining and making sure that everybody's safe. because of that, I, not that I like resented it, but it was just like a chore.

Aericka Khongdy (03:57)
responsibility to some extent to do the caretaking and babysitting and entertaining and making sure that everybody's safe. And because of that, I, not that I like resented it, but it was just like a chore.

It's like, okay, so I have to be responsible for me and everybody else around me. And I think it's kind of like fed into some of the things that I

Kimaira Bernardini (04:12)
It's like, okay, so I have to be responsible for me and everybody else around me. And I think it's kind of like fed into some of the things that I

have been trying to pull away from. Like, if we're going on a vacation, I'm doing the planning, I'm putting together options and itineraries and making sure that everybody knows not just like, this is what we're going to do to have fun, but this is what you need to know about where you're going, about money, about safety, about whatever.

Aericka Khongdy (04:22)
have been trying to pull away from, like, if we're going on a vacation, I'm doing the planning, I'm putting together options and itineraries and making sure that everybody knows not just like, this is what we're gonna do to have fun, but this is what you need to know about where you're going, about money, about safety, about whatever.

So it's just a lot of responsibility. And thinking about the feminine is scary because it's...

Kimaira Bernardini (04:43)
So it's just a lot of responsibility. And thinking about the feminine is scary because it's

letting go of some of that control and responsibility. And having, at least in my mind, this softer approach, this more nurturing approach, which I am as much of a caretaker as I am, I am not very nurturing.

Aericka Khongdy (04:51)
letting go of some of that control and responsibility. Yeah. And having, at least in my mind, this softer approach, this more nurturing approach, which I'm as much of a caretaker as I am, I am not very nurturing.

I'm not either. I would not say that I was a like warm and fuzzy. I don't think anyone has ever said, you know, Eric,

Kimaira Bernardini (05:10)
Yeah, like, I would not say that I was a warm and fuzzy. I don't think anyone has ever said, you know, Aericka,

Aericka Khongdy (05:21)
she's so warm and fuzzy. no exact opposite. I'm sure. Yeah. You've ever seen those memes of like, somebody's crying and there's a person standing in the corner with a broom, like tapping them on the shoulder, like, Hey, it's okay. It's okay. That's me. I, you're sick. I got you. will bring you meds. I will bring you soup. will,

Kimaira Bernardini (05:21)
she's so warm and fuzzy. no. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Like if you've ever seen those memes of like, somebody's crying and there's a person standing in the corner with a broom, like tapping them on the shoulder like, hey, it's okay. It's okay. That's me. I feel that 100%. You're sick. I got you. I will bring you meds. I will bring you soup. I will

Aericka Khongdy (05:39)
you know, make sure that you're going to survive. You're going to survive. That that's what I can do. You're like that, that, that's the extent. Yeah. Yeah. So

Kimaira Bernardini (05:39)
you know, make sure that you're gonna survive. That that's what I can do. Yeah, yeah. So

it's okay. That's interesting. So I kind of feel the same way or didn't feel the same way. Part of it, I think is very much like my personality is I'm a go getter. I'm a I would probably say especially when young years.

Aericka Khongdy (05:51)
It's okay. That's interesting. So I kind of feel the same way or did feel the same way. Part of it, I think is very much like my personality is I'm a go-getter. I'm a, I would probably say, especially my young years,

I had a very aggressive personality.

Kimaira Bernardini (06:09)
I had very aggressive personality.

I hope I've kind of told you that. But I can take over a room. I can run things and it's kind of always been my personality. But also the way I was raised is I was the oldest and I was the oldest daughter, one of the oldest grandkids, one of the oldest cousins, et cetera. And yeah, like you said, a lot fell on me and I had much younger siblings.

Aericka Khongdy (06:12)
I hope I've kind of toned that down a little bit, but, but I can take over a room. Like I can like run things and, it's kind of always been my personality. But also the way I was raised is I was the oldest and I was the oldest daughter, the oldest, one of the oldest, like grandkids, one of the oldest cousins, you know, et cetera. And yeah, like you said, a lot fell on me and I had much younger siblings. And so

I became the caretaker and.

Kimaira Bernardini (06:39)
I became the caretaker and

I always, I also had a lot of trouble with like my female parts for better word. I had, you know, I had really bad periods, they were very painful. And so I feel like I've always been riling against my femininity partly because of that. And then just thinking that it's weak aspect of things. Like if you're feminine, you're weak.

Aericka Khongdy (06:42)
I always, I also had a lot of trouble with like my female parts, for better word. I had, you know, I had really bad periods. They were very painful. And so I feel like I've always been riling against my femininity, partly because of that. And then just thinking that it's a more weak aspect of things. Like if you're feminine, you're weak,

which is so stupid, but.

Kimaira Bernardini (07:08)
which is so stupid, but

a lot of that is societal.

Aericka Khongdy (07:11)
A lot of that is societal.

The other thing is like, it probably took me until I was like 30 to realize that you could be smart and pretty at the same time. Because I kind of grew up with, why would you want to wear heels? Like, why would you want to wear makeup? Like, that's kind of frilly. That's not useful. People that do that aren't smart. Yeah. And I don't know that it was ever said that way. That was kind of the impression I got.

Kimaira Bernardini (07:17)
The other thing is like, it probably took me until I was like 30 to realize that you can be smart and pretty at the same time. Because I kind of grew up with, why would you want to wear heels? Like why would you want to wear a wig up? Like that's kind of frilly. That's not useful. People that do that aren't smart. And I don't know that it was ever said that way. That was kind of the impression I got.

So literally like 30. I remember like coming to that realization that I could be both pretty and strong and smart. Why is that? That's just stupid revelation, but like it's such a thing. So I think a lot of what we're talking about is very societal. And I think it's kind of a lack of understanding what

Aericka Khongdy (07:46)
So literally like 30, I remember like coming to that realization that I could be both pretty and strong and smart. Why is that a, that's just stupid revelation, but like it's such a thing. So I think a lot of what we're talking about is very societal. And I think it's kind of a lack of understanding what.

Kimaira Bernardini (08:15)
the masculine and feminine energies are, at least from myself, 100%. So let's get into that. So the idea is that you have two types of energy that you draw upon in your daily functions, in your daily life. And they have been

Aericka Khongdy (08:15)
the masculine and feminine energies are, at least from myself, 100%. So let's get into that. So the idea is, is that you have two kind of types of energy that you draw upon in your daily functions, in your daily life, and they have been referred

to as feminine energy and masculine energy. I tried...

to find another way of explaining that, other words. And I was having trouble finding that. Like was having trouble with that kind of research. The most I've seen is feminine referred to as yin, like in the Chinese culture, and masculine as yang, but also feminine as being.

masculine as doing. I like that idea, that description. I think like everything you just said, like the stigma and societal constructs around feminine and masculine definitely impact how I view them. And so being able to see that one is like being, one is doing.

Kimaira Bernardini (09:16)
I like that idea, that description. I think, like everything you just said, the stigma and societal constructs around feminine and masculine definitely impact how I view them. And so being able to see that one is like being, one is doing.

Aericka Khongdy (09:42)
That's the type of energy that you want to and why wouldn't those be in harmony and in balance? Right, yeah. So kind of a definition of this I've gotten is that these different energies are archetypal concepts representing two complementary forces found in all individuals regardless of gender. These energies exist as a spectrum and embracing a balance between them can promote harmony and personal growth. So.

Kimaira Bernardini (09:42)
That's the type of energy that you want to and why wouldn't those be in harmony and in balance? Right, yeah. So kind of a definition of...

Aericka Khongdy (10:12)
Went on a journey to find out what feminine energy or yin or being energy is And I will tell you a lot of what I found which was upsetting to me was all wrapped around Getting a guy to love you and getting a guy to like be obsessed with you your sexuality your sensuality your your was it called something feminine, but like I was like

That's not what I'm going for. That's not the point. And it was very frustrating because literally if you put in feminine energy on like YouTube or how to improve your feminine energy on YouTube, all those videos come up all about sex, all about getting guide to love you. How can you like command a room with your femininity? You know, it's like, you know, because that like what is that what I want? Right. Like that's not my point. Right. And there are

Kimaira Bernardini (11:02)
Is that what I want? Like that's not my point. Right. And there are

probably people who are looking for that and, you know, obviously the research is there or whatever the information there find it. But as you're saying that, it's reminding me that a lot of times when I've heard of like feminine and masculine, I also hear the idea of like twin flame, which I don't know much about. But from what I

Aericka Khongdy (11:09)
blue people who are looking for that and you know obviously the research is there or whatever the information is there find it but as you're saying that it's reminding me that a lot of times when I've heard of like feminine and masculine I also hear the idea of like twin flinging which I don't know much about but from what I

have heard I'm not really interested and like that's not what I'm going for in trying to

Kimaira Bernardini (11:32)
have heard I'm not really interested in. Like that's not what I'm going for in trying to

develop myself more. Yeah. So I think a little better.

Aericka Khongdy (11:38)
develop myself more. Yeah. So I think a little better

definition. So we'll define masculine and we'll define feminine. So I'm actually, I'm going to say doing and being, but we understand what's going on. the doing action, like key traits would be action, logic, structure, assertiveness, focus, very like rooted in

planning and logic and getting ahead and that sort of thing. Think of people like that are goal oriented, driven by purpose, very rational, analytical, linear thinking, protective and decisive. So, which is great. You need all those things lots of times, you know, getting ahead in your career.

raising kids, you you have to have a lot of these things. But it's very kind of like doing, it's kind of like going, outgoing energy, if that makes sense. Whereas feminine energy or being energy is key traits are intuition, creativity, flowing, nurturing and receptivity. A big one is that receptivity.

turning inward, like the being is much more of a turning inward. Not like a hibernation or not, a withdrawal, but looking inward and kind of going by what you need. And some of the qualities would be emotionally aware and empathetic, creative and expressive.

imaginative, emphasis on connection, collaboration, adaptability, healing, compassion, that sort of thing. So.

That to me makes more sense. So you've got like the one energy, which is where you have to be outgoing and you have to be like driven and you have to be doing things. And then the opposite would be when you have to replenish and, and, be more mindful of yourself and others and that sort of thing. I like the points that you're highlighting. And I think what's coming to mind for me is

Kimaira Bernardini (14:09)
like the points that you're highlighting and I think what's coming to mind for me is

Aericka Khongdy (14:18)
is the again like trying to the balance between the two but the things that you described for that being energy is making me think of like wisdom and insight. Absolutely. And when you have and know how to use that wisdom and insight then the doing energy

Kimaira Bernardini (14:18)
again, trying to find the balance between the two but the things that you've described for that being energy is making me think of wisdom and insight. Absolutely. And when you have and know how to use that wisdom and insight then the doing energy

Aericka Khongdy (14:37)
can be directed better. Yeah absolutely. So what I kind of thought of when I started like doing this research is I thought of a tree.

Kimaira Bernardini (14:37)
can be

Aericka Khongdy (14:48)
So think about a tree. You've got the roots which ground them, ground a tree. They protect them from like falling over. They kind of outreach, just again, very grounding. They have the bark, which is very protective and usually the trunk is very like, stalwart, know, very strong, right? So that to me was a little bit more of the doing, the masculine energy.

But also you have like the branches and the leaves that like flow with the wind. They go with the seasons. They grow and they, and you see where they go around something. They go around something. So they had to like flow around it. They had to change direction. They had to be fluid in order to do that. And it's not like in the tree, there's not, this is where it starts and this is where it stops because

even in the roots, have to have like ability to flow around something and change direction and be, you know, creative and how they, how they survive. And then also nurturing in that they have things living in it and they provide shade and that's kind of how I started to picture it. I don't know if that does that like make any sense to you? It does. And that's a really like nice picture to think of. And it's.

Kimaira Bernardini (16:08)
It does and that's a really nice picture to think of and it's, of

course you would find that in nature, but it's really just identifying all of the intricacies that come with these types of energies and how even in nature, of course in nature they find a way to be very balanced and to flow together really well.

Aericka Khongdy (16:15)
course you would find that in nature. But it's really just identifying all of the intricacies that come with these types of energies and how even in nature, of course in nature they find a way to be very balanced and to flow together really well.

But to be able to pick those pieces apart a little bit for my human brain.

Kimaira Bernardini (16:37)
but to be able to like pick those pieces apart a little bit for, you know, my human brain.

Aericka Khongdy (16:45)
So,

me, why we started kind of looking at this was part of our knowing that we want to nurture our intuition and for a number of reasons, but we both realizing that we have intuitive abilities and we wanted to expand upon them and wanted to do that. And one of the biggest ways is to go inward and do meditation and

do like mindfulness and be more connected with ourselves. And I think I'm going to get to kind of how you do this a little bit better, but I think if you think about it, you actually do a lot of this stuff and you are connecting more to your feminine side than you think. We'll get there. So the idea is that you need this balance, right? Because like we just talked about.

And the, what happens is you often have an over dominance of one or the other. And so some of that over dominance of that masculine or that doing energy is where you end up with rigidity, you end up with burnout, you end up with disconnection from emotions. And we see this again on a societal level where guys are, when we think of masculine energy, a lot of guys are go, go, go.

They aren't connected to their emotions. They don't express them. They have like, there's not as like easy flowing or easy going. it can be a problem. The other thing is over dominance of feminine energy is we have like a lack of direction. You're very passive, feeling overwhelmed by emotions. And so we have to kind of figure out how to

get these together. Yeah, I can see how like having too much of one can be challenging or problematic. What I think, at least from my experiences and what I've come up in certain relationships is I can see that like too much of that being energy can lead to like poor boundaries.

Kimaira Bernardini (18:43)
Yeah, I can see how having too much of one can be challenging or problematic. And what I think, at least from my experiences and what I've come up in certain relationships, is I can see that too much of that being energy can lead to poor boundaries

and over...

Aericka Khongdy (19:11)
Like over

Kimaira Bernardini (19:13)
stepping because you're trying to

Aericka Khongdy (19:13)
stepping because you're trying to me like I can try to take care of people too much. Mm-hmm. Yep. So at the lack of yourself. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So have you ever heard of this like wounded? Like wounded feminine wounded masculine. Have you heard that? I heard those terms. have no idea what they mean. Yeah, me either. I was like

Kimaira Bernardini (19:18)
me. Like I can try to take care of people too much. I can say. Yeah. have you ever heard of this like

I've heard those terms. I have no idea what they mean. Yeah

Aericka Khongdy (19:38)
What does that even mean? Like you hear about it all the time. wounded, this, that, and the other. So I again, went down a rabbit hole about what does this mean? And it was kind of hard because a lot of what you saw was, well it's wounded. Okay. What does that mean? And then it would tell you like the traits, but it like, it wouldn't understand like, how are you wounded? Like what exactly does that word mean? And so basically it's deep emotional scars and imbalances that can happen from past

traumas, but also just kind of like growing up, like your past experiences. I don't think it necessarily has to be trauma. I think it has to be just how you grow up and how you've been raised and what you've seen and what you've heard. And some of that wounded feminine energy can manifest as fear of vulnerability, which looks like emotional withdrawal, avoiding intimacy, masking of the true self.

self blame and guilt. I'm sure you've seen people like that where they chronically just take the blame regardless of whether they're sorry or not or say sorry all the time or you know try to overcompensate for people even if it has nothing to do with them. Unhealthy relationship patterns because you're not you're not taking care of yourself. Struggling with receiving pleasure, inhibited creativity.

comparison and envy and then like what I thought was interesting. So you have like this emotional withdrawal, but you could also have over-emotionality, but then emotional numbness because you have such feeling that you're overwhelmed by the feeling. So you dissociate because you have poor coping or society or whatever. You're like naming all these things and I'm like, check.

Kimaira Bernardini (21:34)
You're like naming all these things and I'm like check,

check, check, So there's that. And I had this conversation the other day with somebody about.

Aericka Khongdy (21:37)
Checked, Okay, so you're a little wounded. So there's that. And I had this conversation the other day with somebody about...

Kimaira Bernardini (21:53)
specifically in relationships, whether it's romantic or family or friends or whatever, how we show up based on what our experiences are. And so if I'm meeting somebody for the first time and we are developing a friendship, they are showing up based on their experiences, which I have no idea about. I'm showing up based on mine, which they have no idea about. And if we can't learn how to communicate, then it may...

Aericka Khongdy (21:53)
specifically in relationships, whether it's romantic or family or friends or whatever, how we show up based on what our experiences are. And so if I'm meeting somebody for the first time and we are developing a friendship, they are showing up based on their experiences, which I have no idea about. I'm showing up based on mine, which they have no idea about. And if we can't learn how to communicate, then it may...

you know, depending on your level of understanding and work, could, it could create conflict. And in this particular conversation I was having, this person was essentially displaying like temper tantrums. And it's like, yeah, there's that piece of me that doesn't feel heard or seen. And so I am coming out this way with it. Like I'm yelling, I'm raising, you know,

Kimaira Bernardini (22:22)
know, depending on your level of understanding and work, could, it could create conflict. And in this particular conversation I was having, this person was essentially displaying, like temper tantrums. And it's like, yeah, there's that piece of me that doesn't feel heard or seen. And so I am coming out this way with it, like I'm yelling, I'm using, you know,

bad language or putting people down. And I wonder how much of this can kind of play into that if you're having well-balanced doing and being energy. Are you able to better express yourself and hold healthy boundaries and communicate well and engage in relationships in a meaningful way? Yeah, absolutely.

Aericka Khongdy (22:52)
bad language or putting people down. And I wonder how much of this can kind of play into that if you're having well-balanced doing and being energy.

Are you able to better express yourself and hold healthy boundaries and communicate well and engage in relationships in a meaningful way? Yeah, absolutely.

Because one isn't dominating the other and recognizing those wounds and working on, you know, working through those. And that goes back to like those limiting beliefs. It's kind of all plays into that. But so.

Then there's the wounded masculine, which I here's what's interesting. So you could find a lot about wounded femininity, but when you go to the wounded masculine, the first thing that came up was, well, masculine energy isn't a thing. Really, it's something that some people talk about, and it's not like not that it wasn't valid, but it's not real. And it was kind of like.

I thought that was so off putting to me because I was like, okay, so you're immediately telling men that they don't have a masculine energy. They just are. there and there's nothing wrong with it. And part of it, when it says wounded, it just kind of talks about traumas, but doesn't really talk about anything else. was, it was a weird, it was weird how the difference came off in the language with a lot of the, the articles I was coming up.

which I found so sad. Because as we know, in society, men are so like, kind of push the side when it comes to their emotions comes to like, them going inward, them looking at anything other than outwardly. I think that also really just brings up how much there's like this expectation for men, there's this expectation.

Kimaira Bernardini (24:53)
think that also really just brings up how much there's like this expectation for men. There's this expectation.

They just are, know, boys will be boys and men are expected to be aggressive and to be, what's the word, productive and like, you know, providers and they just are. And there's no room for, you know, what that takes or what that means or how that impacts them or the people around them.

Aericka Khongdy (25:01)
they just are, know, boys will be boys and men are expected to be aggressive and to be, what's the word, productive and like, you know, providers and they just are. And there's no room for, you know, what that takes or what that means or how that impacts them or the people around them.

Whereas for women, there's this, you have to be.

Kimaira Bernardini (25:23)
Whereas for women, there's this, you have to be

Aericka Khongdy (25:28)
nurturing and empathetic and understanding and open and vulnerable and like, it's, it's clearly not balanced. Right. Yeah. And

Kimaira Bernardini (25:28)
nurturing and empathetic and understanding and open and vulnerable and da-da-da-da-da. Like, it's clearly not balanced. Right. Yeah. And...

Aericka Khongdy (25:40)
another thing I found was that it's, it's wounded masculine is often hard to recognize because it's masked by societal norms. Like we just talked about all the different things that men are supposedly supposed to do. but

how it can manifest what it did find, is aggression and overactivity, quick temper, hyper independence, emotional inability, like very shut down and emotionally charged situation, unable to be vulnerable, even when you go through something awful.

There's nothing wrong with them. You know what mean? Like there's not, I shouldn't say them, but people who have this wounded masculinity, there's nothing wrong. Like, no, no, no, no, I'm fine. Well, okay, we just went through this horrible thing. Like don't you feel something? Hypercompetitiveness. So like an excessive need to win or be the best often at the detriment of wellbeing. And that leads to a feeling of being not enough.

fear of vulnerability, viewing it as a weakness, control issues, difficulty in trusting and prioritizing others needs over self, which I just checked off all of them. So apparently I have a wounded masculine. Especially in my younger years and even when I'm saying younger, I mean like 10 years ago. Like I'm not talking that far behind, but I can see this in myself. I can be aggressive. I have a quick temper.

I can have overactivity for sure. Hyperindependence, 100%. Like the thought of like depending on somebody was such a foreign and scary concept to me for the longest time. And like this, the hyper competitive. I wouldn't say I was hyper competitive, but like I always had to be the best, not over other people, but the best to me.

Like I had to be the best because I had to be the best for me. Not that I had to beat other people, but I had to be the best of what I was doing. And if I didn't, that was that not enough feeling. And I didn't allow myself to fail at something. That, not okay. Cannot fail. I gave myself no grace to struggle with something.

I wonder if, and I don't know you're going to get to this, but I wonder if...

Kimaira Bernardini (28:18)
I if, and I don't know if you're gonna get to this, I wonder if

when I think about it from like a societal perspective or a psychological perspective, we often develop behaviors, thoughts, experiences based on, you know, those around us and what we've seen. Do you know if the idea of like a wounded masculine or a wounded feminine, if that's something that can be passed down?

Aericka Khongdy (28:25)
When I think about it from like a societal perspective or a psychological perspective, we often develop behaviors, thoughts, experiences based on, you know, those around us and what we've seen. Do you know if the idea of like a wounded masculine or a wounded feminine, if that's something that can be passed down?

Kimaira Bernardini (28:50)
Yeah. I mean, not like genetically, although there is theory on that. Like we have like generational trauma that does get passed down. I do believe, I've seen like, I've read is that it goes by like generational. It, what you see, what you see, what you see and what they do, you know, how it's presented and you know, what you're told and what you're taught and you know, yeah, a hundred percent. Hmm. That's interesting.

Aericka Khongdy (28:50)
Yeah. I mean, not like genetically, although there is theory on that, that like we have like generational trauma that does get passed down. But I, I do believe and I have seen like what I've read is that it goes by like generational. It, what you see, what you see, what you see and what they do, you know, how it's presented and you know, what you're told and what you're taught in, you know, yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. That's interesting.

Kimaira Bernardini (29:19)
I think that's interesting because the...

Aericka Khongdy (29:19)
I think that's interesting because the,

Kimaira Bernardini (29:24)
at least for my individual experience, and we've talked about this before, this journey for me is so different than what my family is like accepting of. But I could definitely, as you're highlighting, you know, these points, I can see

Aericka Khongdy (29:24)
least for my individual experience, and we've talked about this before, this journey for me is so different than what my family is like accepting of. But I could definitely, as you're highlighting, you know, these points, I can see

Kimaira Bernardini (29:49)
some of these traits in or some of these challenges in

Aericka Khongdy (29:49)
some of these traits in or some of these challenges in

family members and my parents specifically. And you and I have had conversations about like how you are very assertive and how you can advocate for yourself in an aggressive way and how you've learned that from your own family.

Kimaira Bernardini (29:53)
family members in my parents specifically. And you and I have had conversations about like how you are very assertive and how you can advocate for yourself in an aggressive way and how you've learned that from your own family. I can,

it's just like interesting to see how those things can be passed down from like a...

Aericka Khongdy (30:14)
It's just like interesting to see how those things can be passed down from like a

Kimaira Bernardini (30:21)
an energy perspective.

Aericka Khongdy (30:21)
an energy perspective. Yeah, it's interesting how it makes how how it develops your energy and how it could kind of mismatch your energy and and and like these traits aren't bad like the traits of being aggressive isn't necessarily bad because you have to be that way in certain

positions, you have to shut down your emotions in certain situations. It's the matter of it taking over your entire persona or taking over your entire life is kind of the issue. I can think of people in specific that are 100 % like...

like a hundred percent. But have to address that with that person. So how do we work on this? So it kind of goes with both. What I'm going to say kind of helps both, but it's more geared towards that feminine being energy.

And again, so if you think about the feminine energy, it's kind of turning inward. It's just being, it's allowing. And how we do that is practicing mindfulness, which we've talked about before. And in this aspect, think mindfulness in how you set boundaries, how you interact with other people.

how you take what they're saying to you, how their interaction with you, I think that's kind what you were saying, is their interaction with you, how you are mindful with how you take that in, much more like how you are reacting and being and doing. Yeah, I like that kind of distinction. And I think we definitely talked about mindfulness before and how it can look traditionally.

Kimaira Bernardini (32:12)
Yeah, I like that kind of distinction. And I think we've definitely talked about mindfulness before and how it can look traditionally. But

when you're describing this, think what's coming to mind for me is really being able to just be considerate, being considerate for yourself and for others. Like what, what is this experience doing for everyone involved? Not just me. Right. And not just that.

Aericka Khongdy (32:24)
When you're describing this, think what's coming to mind for me is really being able to just be considerate, being considerate for yourself and for others. Like what is this experience doing for everyone involved, not just me. And not just them.

Like if you have a tendency to worry about other people, like also yourself. And the big one is that meditation piece because it brings you inward.

Kimaira Bernardini (32:42)
Yeah. Like if you have a tendency to bring about other people, like also yourself.

Aericka Khongdy (32:55)
And it brings you into that quiet space to then just allow feelings to happen, allow creativity to happen, allow calmness to happen. it really, we talked about this in an episode, we talked about this a hundred times, but it's like one of the best things you can do for yourself in an all around capacity and to help balance your energy. This is one of the best things you can do.

And then on top of that is that journaling piece, journaling on your feelings, journaling on an experience, journaling on positivity, you whatever the situation is. We've talked about intention before and how we both sometimes struggle with an intention. So this one would be a good thing. Like I want to connect with myself like that. I want to connect with my inner self and that be the intention for all of these, like this mindfulness, the meditation, the journaling.

I've been recently thinking about intention because I have been using it in different ways lately and

Kimaira Bernardini (33:54)
been recently thinking about intention because I have been using it in different ways lately and

I realize how much I have struggled to be like specific with my intentions and sometimes my intentions are very very generalized and not that that's good bad or indifferent but it is what it is and so

Aericka Khongdy (34:08)
I realize how much I have struggled to be like specific with my intentions. my intentions are very, very generalized and not that that's good, bad or indifferent, but it is what it is. And so

that, think I like the idea of, of trying to use intentionality in a very specific way for developing balance in the

Kimaira Bernardini (34:23)
that I think I like the idea of trying to use intentionality in a very specific way for developing balance in the

Aericka Khongdy (34:35)
the being and doing. And again, I want to express that this

Kimaira Bernardini (34:35)
being and doing energies.

Aericka Khongdy (34:39)
is for both male bodied people and female or, you know, male and female people. this is not for like I'm not talking to just women right now. Like I am talking to people identified as male and this is everybody. This this this. In this. my gosh, what am I trying to say? The this balance.

is for everybody. And I can't express that enough. Like I just want to go hug every guy. Like I just want them to be able to feel that they can do this as well. Because yes, as a woman, have, you and I have struggled with this, but it's almost okay that we have struggled with it because it's more, we're showing masculine traits. And so that's almost better. And I'm going to use huge air quotes on that.

But for a guy to recognize that in themselves as far as like the woman feminine is like, it's getting better, but it's hard. And I know it's so hard for men and like it makes me just wanna hug everybody. Because I just want everybody to feel good. So if you see Aericka on the street.

Kimaira Bernardini (35:55)
So if you see Aericka on the street,

Aericka Khongdy (35:58)
I'm going to hug you. know that she's going run up and hug you. Okay, maybe not. I will get your consent first. Good call.

Kimaira Bernardini (35:59)
know that she's gonna run up and hug you. I will get your king's tongue first. Good call.

Aericka Khongdy (36:10)
Okay, maybe not. But anyway, back to it. The other one is therapy. Deal with these limiting beliefs. Deal with these wounds. Deal with these traumas. Deal with these upbringings.

work through them and and be able to recognize them and I talked about this before I didn't necessarily recognize a lot of my problems and wounds and whatever until really doing a lot of work on it.

Kimaira Bernardini (36:44)
There is so much that I...

Aericka Khongdy (36:44)
There is so much that I...

Kimaira Bernardini (36:48)
could say and think about therapy. It can absolutely be so, helpful. I have found that as a client, I've seen, I can't even tell you how many therapists, when I make the decision to go to therapy for something, I can go and get that thing worked on.

Aericka Khongdy (36:48)
say and think about.

therapy. It can absolutely be so so helpful.

I have found that as a client, I've seen, I can't even tell you how many therapists, I, when I make the decision to go to therapy for something, I can go and get that thing worked on

Kimaira Bernardini (37:18)
and be able to grow from it. And then I will end that relationship. Yeah, and then I go to somebody else when something else comes up.

Aericka Khongdy (37:18)
and be able to grow from it. And then I will end that relationship. I, yeah, I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. And then I go to somebody else when something else comes up.

Kimaira Bernardini (37:30)
And I do research on like, okay, if I'm looking for this specific thing, who has like experience in that and whatever. And I appreciate all of the therapists that I've been to. That's something that I think works for me. As a therapist, I have

Aericka Khongdy (37:30)
And I do research on like, okay, if I'm looking for this specific thing, who has like experience in that and whatever. And I appreciate all of the therapists that I've been to. That's something that I think works for me as a therapist.

Kimaira Bernardini (37:47)
seen clients for years. And it's like, they're very comfortable with that one relationship. And that's perfectly fine, too. I think it's really important for people to approach therapy with like an open slate, open lens, let me be open to the experience. Maybe you're going to do better with one person, maybe you're going to do better with one person for one specific thing. Maybe you're going to need different approaches. And that's all okay. But knowing that

Aericka Khongdy (37:47)
seen clients for years. And it's like, they're very comfortable with that one relationship. And that's perfectly fine too. I think it's really important for people to approach therapy with like an open slate, open lens. Let me be open to the experience. Maybe you're going to do better with one person. Maybe you're going to do better with one person for one specific thing. Maybe you're going to need different approaches and that's all okay. knowing that,

you know, whatever you're

Kimaira Bernardini (38:16)
you know, whatever your goal

Aericka Khongdy (38:17)
goal is going into it can be really helpful. Yeah, so I've had the same therapist

Kimaira Bernardini (38:17)
is going into it can be really helpful.

Aericka Khongdy (38:21)
for years and that works for me. But the other piece to that is that you need to be able to, like you said, be open minded, be open to what comes up, be open to like their suggestions and doing the work. You know, like just saying something and then hearing something and then going home and not like doing anything about it. You got to do the work.

Kimaira Bernardini (38:46)
a thousand,

Aericka Khongdy (38:46)
Thousand thousand trillion billion percent. Yes, and that's a conversation I've had on both ends as a client therapist I've had there must be like really like what are you doing? You're saying you want to do something about this, you're not doing and I've had to like look at myself there and I've had to have that conversation of like the work is not in this room like this room we have this one hour this one time a week to

Kimaira Bernardini (38:47)
thousand, thousand, trillion, billion percent. Yes. And that's a conversation I've had on both ends as a client and as a therapist. I've had therapists be like, really, like, what are you doing? You're saying you want to do something about this, but you're not doing it. And I've had to like look at myself there. And I've had to have that conversation of like, the work is not in this room. Like this room, we have this one hour, this one time a week to process and figure out what you need.

Aericka Khongdy (39:13)
process and figure out what you need.

Kimaira Bernardini (39:16)
but you got to do the work outside of that room. Yep, absolutely.

Aericka Khongdy (39:16)
you got to do the workout side. Yep, absolutely. Another way is connecting with a supportive community. And we've talked about doing like a women's circle. I actually have been toying with doing a men's circle. I'm not sure what that look at because I'm not a man. But it's something that I'm toying with that I think would be very helpful because you see women's circles a lot. You don't necessarily see men's circles. So

Just being connecting with people that are in the same. Yeah, I love that idea. was actually one of the goals I wrote down for. my goals for next year. Nice. Me too. More connection, community support. And that can be having a friend, that could be a family member, that could be, like I said, going to a women's circle of people you don't even know. It could be going to a workshop, it could be going to the retreat. It doesn't have to be

Kimaira Bernardini (39:46)
Yeah, I love that idea. That was actually one of the goals I wrote down for my goals for next year. Like being able to have more connection and community support.

Aericka Khongdy (40:12)
the same people that you are around, it just connecting with supportive community. It could be an online community, you know, just finding your like minded people and that are supportive. The biggest thing is that supportive piece. We talked about in tapping into the intuitive self. I kind of talked about that a lot. The other one is like creativity. And I am not good at this one.

cause I don't feel I'm creative. mean, I guess not in like a traditional sense, like I can't paint. I can't like draw, you know, I'm not necessarily a good singer. don't write, you know what I mean? but that's not the point. The point is to tap into some sort of creativity. It could be coloring. It could be dancing around while you're doing the dishes. It just like that movement piece. That's kind of another one, but

going for it, whether you feel you're good at it or not. The point is to allow that to happen. And that can come from journaling. Like maybe you can journal about that, you know, stuff like that. So. Yeah, I think. I used to think I wasn't a creative person and. Not that I am artistic, and I think that was the thing for me. I used to combine those things. Yeah, being creative, not being artistic. I am not artistic.

Kimaira Bernardini (41:26)
Yeah, I think I used to think I wasn't a creative person and not that I am artistic. And I think that was the thing for me. I used to combine those things being creative, not being artistic. I am not artistic.

I am creative. And I enjoy being creative and not being great at it.

Aericka Khongdy (41:41)
I am creative and I enjoy being creative and not being great at it. So you got this one under under wraps. That's

Kimaira Bernardini (41:54)
you're saying some of these things and I'm like, I love dancing. I'm not necessarily a great dancer, but I love doing that. Definitely with writing. I love to write. Also, not always great at

Aericka Khongdy (41:54)
you're saying some of these things and I'm like, I love dancing. I'm not necessarily a great dancer, but I love doing that. Yep. Definitely with writing. I love to write. Also, not always very bad.

Kimaira Bernardini (42:10)
but something that I enjoy doing. So I think being able to just remove some of the expectation of what being creative is can help you to access it a little bit more.

Aericka Khongdy (42:10)
but something that I enjoy doing. I think being able to just remove some of the expectation of what being creative is can help you to access it a little bit more

and explore it can be fun. It doesn't have to look one specific way. doesn't need to be like an aesthetic or something that's packaged well for other people to consume because it's about your self. Yeah, it's not for them. It's for you. Yep. Absolutely. And again, you can go to workshops for that.

Kimaira Bernardini (42:19)
and explore. can be fun. It doesn't have to look one specific way. It doesn't need to be like an aesthetic or something that's packaged well for other people to consume because it's about your self connecting with that. Yeah, absolutely.

Aericka Khongdy (42:38)
You can go to retreats and they do stuff like that, where they, they do a creativity piece, movement, like yoga is a big one, but again, dancing in your living room, walking, running, exercising, those are all good ways to kind of just like, I think that's more with that fluidity piece to allow kind of like that motion piece that, and also kind of that calming piece. So, and.

kind of last one I have is connecting to nature, which again, we've talked about before, but it can just really.

So I had an interesting conversation with my shaman teacher and there's a concept called didiri and this is a little bit advanced, I guess. I don't know. But it's where you sit in nature and just be. And not with music, not with expectation.

but you could do it where you're just standing, looking out your window, sitting, looking out your window, where you could actually be like in nature and just listening to the sounds, listening to what you're seeing, what you see, smelling what you smell, like feeling what you feel and just like really, it's kind of another form of meditation, not to say where you're going inward, but you're connecting. So it's more of that connection to nature.

Kimaira Bernardini (44:11)
I like that. I think I can think of times where I've done that not intentionally for like, you know, increasing this being or feminine energy, but like I very much enjoy when it's raining to sit on my front porch and experience the rain. And that's an easy one for people to do. I would imagine just being able to like, I mean,

Aericka Khongdy (44:11)
I like that. think I can think of times where I've done that not intentionally for like, you know, increasing this being or feminine energy, but like I very much enjoy when it's raining to sit on my front porch and experience the rain. And that's an easy one for people to do. I would imagine just being able to like, mean,

Kimaira Bernardini (44:43)
Maybe, maybe it's easy to just sit and experience. Maybe it's not easy to sit and experience, but it's something that's easy. Yes. Yeah. But I think it might be a little bit more accessible to do things like connecting with nature in that way. Versus like going on a big hike, if know it'd be having to do it. Right, right. Definitely not so much of like the action piece. And I also think about like with meditation, there's the

Aericka Khongdy (44:43)
Maybe, maybe it's easy to just sit and experience. Maybe it's not easy to sit and experience. mean, if you live in New York City and you're sitting, you know, a bit more difficult. Yeah. But I think it might be a little bit more accessible to do things like connecting with nature in that way. Mm hmm. Versus like going on a big hike, like, you know, it being like a having to do it situation. Right. Definitely not so much of the action piece. And I also think about like with meditation, there's the

Kimaira Bernardini (45:13)
goal and expectation of having this specific type of experience, whereas what you're describing with connecting with nature doesn't have to have any sort of expectation or goal. Yeah. Yeah, so

Aericka Khongdy (45:13)
goal and expectation of having this specific type of experience, whereas what you're describing with connecting with nature doesn't have to have any sort of expectation. Yeah, so

that was a lot. What's your thoughts? I think where I was at the beginning was very at the beginning. Where I've been since we started to

Kimaira Bernardini (45:33)
I think where I was at the beginning was very... at the beginning. Where I've been since we've started to

discuss this has been very apprehensive and now I am feeling like maybe it's not so bad, maybe it's not so scary, maybe it's not so difficult. seems having that information really is helpful to...

Aericka Khongdy (45:43)
discuss this has been very like apprehensive and now I am feeling like maybe it's not so bad, maybe it's not so scary, maybe it's not so difficult. It seems having that information really is like helpful to,

Kimaira Bernardini (46:01)
It seems like it could be easier for me to identify maybe where some of my challenges are or where some of my imbalances may be.

Aericka Khongdy (46:01)
it seems like it could be easier for me to identify maybe where some of my challenges are or where some of my imbalances may be and

Kimaira Bernardini (46:10)
doing any of these activities that you just mentioned are things that are easily accessible to me and I can definitely use them with the purpose of, you know, increasing that energy. Yeah. I mean, like I said at the beginning, you're doing a lot of these things already and you're not realizing that

Aericka Khongdy (46:10)
doing any of these activities that you just mentioned are things that are easily accessible to me and I can definitely use them with the purpose of, you know, increasing that energy. Yeah, I mean, like I said at the beginning, you're doing a lot of these things already and you're not realizing that

Kimaira Bernardini (46:29)
that's helping this like, being feminine. yeah, I think you could do it.

Aericka Khongdy (46:29)
that's helping this yin being feminine energy. yeah, I think you could do it.

Well, I'm glad that you don't feel so intimidated right now because the last time I brought this up, you had like such a visceral reaction to it. You're like, know, know my entire body can stop and it was like, my God. And maybe that's part of the challenge is that if I have a preconceived idea of something, which

Kimaira Bernardini (46:38)
Well, I'm glad that you don't feel so intimidated right now because the last time I brought this up, you had like such a visceral reaction to it. You're like, I know, I know my entire body tense stop and it was like, my god. And maybe that's part of the challenge is like I if I have a preconceived idea of something which

Aericka Khongdy (46:58)
I mean, almost always I'm to have a preconceived idea because that's, you we live in the world.

Kimaira Bernardini (46:58)
I mean, almost always I'm going to have a preconceived idea because that's, you know, we live in the world.

So when that happens, I can let that get in my way and I need to be open to, let's explore. And that's part of the process anyway. yeah. I, when we first started this, I was afraid of femininity as well. And really got feminine in that aspect.

Aericka Khongdy (47:06)
So when that happens, I can let that get in my way and I need to be open to, let's explore. And that's part of the process anyway. So. Yeah. I, when we first started this, I was afraid of feminine energy as well and, or like that feminine aspect. And.

Kimaira Bernardini (47:27)
kind of doing the research and then just doing the meditations and the work, the intuitive work has really brought a lot of that balance back for me, I feel like. Because I could say, I 100 % with that wounded mask and I was like, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I feel that was slightly in the past. Obviously, I still have a lot of that. But I feel like it's like more balanced.

Aericka Khongdy (47:27)
kind of doing the research and then just doing the meditations and the work, the intuitive work has really brought a lot of that balance back for me, I feel like. Cause I could say, I 100 % with that wound masculine, was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I feel that was slightly in the past. Obviously I still have a lot of that, but I feel like it's like more balanced. Not that I'm perfect,

but.

Kimaira Bernardini (47:57)
But it's something I've noticed. Yeah, yeah. And I think with balance in general, there's this natural up and down that will happen anyway. So it's not about being perfect all of the time, but being able to recognize when you're imbalanced and recognizing what you might need to do to get back into harmony. Well, thank you, because I really appreciate like

Aericka Khongdy (47:57)
Yeah. But it's something I've noticed. Yeah. Yeah. And I think with balance in general, there's this natural up and down that will happen anyway. So it's not about being perfect all the time. Right. But being able to recognize when you're imbalanced and recognize what you might need to do to get back into harmony. Yeah. Well, thank you because I really appreciate like

the information and feeling better about approaching it now. Yeah, good. Yay. well that's all I have. but, we'd like to ask everybody to follow us and rate us and send us some comments. We're on all the major platforms. and we also have an Instagram at, I'm just messing up here at spiritual underscore mama's underscore AK.

Kimaira Bernardini (48:26)
information and feeling better about approaching it now and working on it. Yeah, good. Yay. That's all I have. But I would like to ask everybody to follow us and rate us and send us some comments. We're on all the major platforms. Yes. And also Instagram at, who's a mental, at spiritual underscore mamas underscore a-k.

Follow us on there. Yes. Follow us everywhere. Leave us comments. Leave us feedback. Tell somebody. Share. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Well, till next time. We'll see you soon. Bye. Bye.

Aericka Khongdy (48:56)
Follow us on there. Yes. Follow us everywhere. Leave us comments. Leave us feedback. Tell somebody. Share. All right. Well, until next time. See you soon. Bye.